Friday, June 19, 2009

When it does not quit

Is love not constant? Is is not an unwavering force in our lives? If silly, fleeting things are love, then what is the unstoppable force that we know is different from the rest? If these silly things, I dare say infatuation, obsession, fancy, and need, are actually love, then what is that solid feeling you know is different from all of those things?

I think they are not the same. I would argue I know they are not the same. Is love not a force that knows no make-up, labels, or changing circumstances? Is it not love that does not care whether or not you are murderous or ugly? It is. It is that force. It is not infatuation. It is not lust. It is not need or desire. It is not circumstance. It is "any circumstance." It is "all circumstance." It is not conditional. I hear that alot. It is quite a cliche. But arn't some cliches there for a reason? This one is. Love is not conditional. Love is not "well, you are doing this, therefore you deserve my love..." No, this is not love.

Love is sometimes ugly. Love is sometimes as ugly as this dead fish above. This fish was a dead fish killed by red tide on the beach my husband and I were supposed to be married on the following day. Instead, our lungs were choked by red tide air and we were kept from our dream wedding. The night before our wedding we stumbled upon this dead fish that red tide had so nastily brought us. After mourning a moment, we kept on, walking with some of our great loved ones, talking about the future in the darkness. I see this fish, and I think of warmth, love, stability, and loyalty. I think of my husband never once not loving me, even at the hours he had no business tolerating me. And oh my, were there hours he should have not loved me. But he did, without hesitation. I think this is what love is. ANY circumstance. It is not "when I need you" circumstance. It is not "when it is good for me" circumstance. It is not "because you are this" circumstance.

Love is constant, through it all. Love is not waiting by the phone. Love is the phone ripped from the wall so no one can disturb us.

-Robin L. Gillis

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

watch out for that road

June 1st 2009 wasn't a good day. it wasn't a good day for both of us. the road wasn't treating us right. Everything paused for couple mins until i realized what exactly happened. A truck ran my car over but amazingly just the bumpers both front and back and a small dent on the trunk. Amazingly, these painted plastic were able to save not just me, but reduced the impact to other cars. and it feels different this time, because it was not my fault. for once.

So I started wonder, why is that everything we deal with so difficult and so complicated. I just realized when I was a child, I paint and draw things that I don't recognize, things just pop up in my head or my blurry vision. So people, they always liked it and they would ask me what I was drawing. My answer was always "i don't know!"

So do we really need to know the reason for everything that happen? I think we do. But the reason can be a "just" Sometimes, it is as straight forward as your hand run through someone's hair... tangled... the her/his face, lips. You both smile. The tiny little love may grow a little bit, or at this one side feels that way.

and so love is just love maybe. it is just that tiny reflection of spark you see in each other's eyes in the one second.

and really drive safely. and that's just because.

-Jonathan Chang


love needs a motive. one motive that...

Monday, June 1, 2009



The entity of love can be a spry, mysterious creature that catches us by surprise. It woos our senses and intriques our minds.

However, it is a realty for many of us that love often can be laborious. It can be an organism that requires tending, feeding, shelter, and discipline. So often we take it for granted, neglecting it as it dwindles in the corners of our lives. And then we weep when we smell the decay.

Love is a labor I try to consider a priviledge. Maybe even an indulgence. Some work was meant to be so excruciating, it becomes indulgent.

We should all welcome such indulgences in our lives.

-Robin L. Gillis

p.s. of course love doesn't have to be laborious.