When it does not quit

Is love not constant? Is is not an unwavering force in our lives? If silly, fleeting things are love, then what is the unstoppable force that we know is different from the rest? If these silly things, I dare say infatuation, obsession, fancy, and need, are actually love, then what is that solid feeling you know is different from all of those things?

I think they are not the same. I would argue I know they are not the same. Is love not a force that knows no make-up, labels, or changing circumstances? Is it not love that does not care whether or not you are murderous or ugly? It is. It is that force. It is not infatuation. It is not lust. It is not need or desire. It is not circumstance. It is "any circumstance." It is "all circumstance." It is not conditional. I hear that alot. It is quite a cliche. But arn't some cliches there for a reason? This one is. Love is not conditional. Love is not "well, you are doing this, therefore you deserve my love..." No, this is not love.

Love is sometimes ugly. Love is sometimes as ugly as this dead fish above. This fish was a dead fish killed by red tide on the beach my husband and I were supposed to be married on the following day. Instead, our lungs were choked by red tide air and we were kept from our dream wedding. The night before our wedding we stumbled upon this dead fish that red tide had so nastily brought us. After mourning a moment, we kept on, walking with some of our great loved ones, talking about the future in the darkness. I see this fish, and I think of warmth, love, stability, and loyalty. I think of my husband never once not loving me, even at the hours he had no business tolerating me. And oh my, were there hours he should have not loved me. But he did, without hesitation. I think this is what love is. ANY circumstance. It is not "when I need you" circumstance. It is not "when it is good for me" circumstance. It is not "because you are this" circumstance.

Love is constant, through it all. Love is not waiting by the phone. Love is the phone ripped from the wall so no one can disturb us.

-Robin L. Gillis