Friday, September 4, 2009

i can't take it anymore

The truth is I can't take it anymore. I am pretty much break down into pieces. Only if things would just be like a novel, or a movie where a happy ending is a must, to make the audiences the "aww..." feeling. There's no such a thing as a "beautiful mistake" there's only the ugly, shameful, depressing mistake. But was it a mistake or not? i certainly hope it wasn't. But it is impossible to make someone to fall in love with you. You just can't do it. I always thought it's something that could be build or construct with nature, but I guess i was wrong on that one. The joke is on me, caring too much, think too much. To this point I am at the same spot, depressed, upset, and I don't want to do this anymore. Feeling my head and my heart split into pieces again and again makes me go insane.

The following are some paintings i've been working on, they are not finish yet.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

jumping back on the love train

Hey guys,

I would like to get back involved with the love!


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

"Listen with your Eyes" @ Solstice Cafe

"Listen with your Eyes" Art Show @ Solstice Cafe in Grant Park!

Opening Friday August 7th 7pm-9pm

Featuring AWESOME local artists, including (perhaps) love project artists Robin Gillis (right in pic), Jonathan Chang (left in pic), and Eric White!

Come check out these down to earth folk, and have a drink with us!

562 Boulevard SE, Atlanta, GA, 30312

In-progress photo updates for the (perhaps) love project and personal work of Robin Gillis @:

Art by Robin Gillis for sale @:

Special thanks to Solstice Cafe and Erin Palovick for facilitating this event!

Solstice Cafe in Grant Park:

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Color Bleed

This is another little still film I did for the (perhaps) love project. This film is a little more abstract than the last. This film is a documentation of color as it bleeds, mixes, and changes through time. It is intended as a parallel for the chemical reactions that happen in someone when they love.


Check out both films through the URL...

Friday, June 19, 2009

When it does not quit

Is love not constant? Is is not an unwavering force in our lives? If silly, fleeting things are love, then what is the unstoppable force that we know is different from the rest? If these silly things, I dare say infatuation, obsession, fancy, and need, are actually love, then what is that solid feeling you know is different from all of those things?

I think they are not the same. I would argue I know they are not the same. Is love not a force that knows no make-up, labels, or changing circumstances? Is it not love that does not care whether or not you are murderous or ugly? It is. It is that force. It is not infatuation. It is not lust. It is not need or desire. It is not circumstance. It is "any circumstance." It is "all circumstance." It is not conditional. I hear that alot. It is quite a cliche. But arn't some cliches there for a reason? This one is. Love is not conditional. Love is not "well, you are doing this, therefore you deserve my love..." No, this is not love.

Love is sometimes ugly. Love is sometimes as ugly as this dead fish above. This fish was a dead fish killed by red tide on the beach my husband and I were supposed to be married on the following day. Instead, our lungs were choked by red tide air and we were kept from our dream wedding. The night before our wedding we stumbled upon this dead fish that red tide had so nastily brought us. After mourning a moment, we kept on, walking with some of our great loved ones, talking about the future in the darkness. I see this fish, and I think of warmth, love, stability, and loyalty. I think of my husband never once not loving me, even at the hours he had no business tolerating me. And oh my, were there hours he should have not loved me. But he did, without hesitation. I think this is what love is. ANY circumstance. It is not "when I need you" circumstance. It is not "when it is good for me" circumstance. It is not "because you are this" circumstance.

Love is constant, through it all. Love is not waiting by the phone. Love is the phone ripped from the wall so no one can disturb us.

-Robin L. Gillis

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

watch out for that road

June 1st 2009 wasn't a good day. it wasn't a good day for both of us. the road wasn't treating us right. Everything paused for couple mins until i realized what exactly happened. A truck ran my car over but amazingly just the bumpers both front and back and a small dent on the trunk. Amazingly, these painted plastic were able to save not just me, but reduced the impact to other cars. and it feels different this time, because it was not my fault. for once.

So I started wonder, why is that everything we deal with so difficult and so complicated. I just realized when I was a child, I paint and draw things that I don't recognize, things just pop up in my head or my blurry vision. So people, they always liked it and they would ask me what I was drawing. My answer was always "i don't know!"

So do we really need to know the reason for everything that happen? I think we do. But the reason can be a "just" Sometimes, it is as straight forward as your hand run through someone's hair... tangled... the her/his face, lips. You both smile. The tiny little love may grow a little bit, or at this one side feels that way.

and so love is just love maybe. it is just that tiny reflection of spark you see in each other's eyes in the one second.

and really drive safely. and that's just because.

-Jonathan Chang


love needs a motive. one motive that...

Monday, June 1, 2009



The entity of love can be a spry, mysterious creature that catches us by surprise. It woos our senses and intriques our minds.

However, it is a realty for many of us that love often can be laborious. It can be an organism that requires tending, feeding, shelter, and discipline. So often we take it for granted, neglecting it as it dwindles in the corners of our lives. And then we weep when we smell the decay.

Love is a labor I try to consider a priviledge. Maybe even an indulgence. Some work was meant to be so excruciating, it becomes indulgent.

We should all welcome such indulgences in our lives.

-Robin L. Gillis

p.s. of course love doesn't have to be laborious.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

owt trap

no rest for the lovers.

no rest.

something fresh is coming (hopefully) owt trap


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

behind all reasons

i bought this dvd from target yesterday. without knowing any plot of this. I found this film very interesting. you should watch this. if you get the idea of this film, then you will know why i start this project, why i want to make this thing work, and what in my crazy mind i wish would happen in the very end of it.

take a look of the trailer

it's installation time!


Friday, March 20, 2009

The Woods

the city is dangerous
danger lies in the
over-abundance of man-
made objects, idols

man built the city
to glorify himself
god created nature
filled with beauty and splendor
to remind us

that he lives among
us, sinners
consumed by narcissism and greed
destroyers of his
gifts, outward and inward

god lies
in the woods
his whispers ride
the wind, pushes
the worries away

i go to the woods to talk to god
i go to the city to sin

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

birthday girl

happy birthday, cherry blossom girl. happy birthday.


you are sick and you are beautiful.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


late night snacks under the moon light shine.
I've been so tired lately, but today, I just can't sleep.
I wonder why because it feels like I've been waiting and hoping for thousand years, and why this love I gave out not returning back to me?
maybe it will ended up to be a good novel someday with those typical first line... "once up on a time, there's this guy who met this girl and..."
the novel will also end up with this type of line... "you know what, shit happens, and there's nothing he/she can do about it..."
only if things could be much more simple, right? in life, in love, in things that we all desire.
fuck, i miss her right now while my veggi-burgers are sizzling in the oven.
the cold aluminum of my powerbook serve no justice to this empty space that i put myself into.
late night snacks under the moon light
brighten up the night
but could it brighten up the one that once lost and haven't been found?


Saturday, February 21, 2009

i am worry because the state of my mind is not so clear once again.
i hate to say this, but really, this whole problem has been haunting me for all these times.
whenever i am alone, i am just driving, driving, driving, and driving.
i can't stop, because once i stop, i will be start thinking this problem.
once i stop and pull out of the highway, i will try to get there.
a place that i shouldn't be.
a place that i have the right to be, but i can't.
and just because i don't hear anything from her anymore that is driving me crazy from time to time.
i have to keep myself occupied or i go back to the same place i started
i don't know anything anymore and i don't know why i am doing this

no hope only love. the one thing that brings people and tear up the people in the same time.


Sunday, February 15, 2009

Pel is dressed in hearts. Valentine's Day is coming up, 3 days away. We are making cards in all of the classrooms, a lesson on addresses, postage, letters, mailpeople. All of them will get a card in the mail on Saturday, if I've gotten the addresses right.

"I love hearts," Pel says, red plastic rhinestone-dotted hearts on her pierced ears, small pink hearts on her red turtleneck, a sparkly white heart on a thin cord around her neck.

"I can tell. You're covered in them! And look, they are all around the room! Do you know why there are so many hearts all around this week?"

She smiles, and turns her face towards mine eagerly, her dark brown pigtails swaying from their perch high on her head. Pel likes being asked questions. "Valentine's Day" she says.

We start talking about cards and candy, and what we love and how we say "I love you." I tell her you can say "I love you" in any language, even silent ones, and ones that aren't really what you would think a language is at all.

She asks what language is.

"What do you speak at home? Arabic?"


"What do you speak at school?"


I begin to explain something about language when Pel says "Kurdish is Islam. Islam is good." She smiles brightly.

Pel is seven. She learned English in 3 months.

"Do you go to mosque?"

She nods happily.

"Do you go on the weekends?"

Nod. Smile spreading.

"Do you go on the weekdays?"

Nod, smile widening. She is moving a yellow marker, cap off, absently, from one hand to another, tilting it up and down.

"You go during the week and during the weekend?"

"Yes, both" she says, small teeth winking out in her smile.

"Islam is good" she says again, putting her marker down and picking up a pencil.

"I'm glad Islam is good for you. Does it make you happy?"

Smile, nod, gleaming eyes.

"Do you like Islam?"

I tilt my head. "I don't like or dislike Islam. It just isn't right for me."

On the bottom of the coloring sheet of the bear in the dress with the purse, holding a heart-shaped valentine, Pel draw a "t".

"Do you like this?"

I shake my head. "No, Christianity is not right for me. Islam is good for you, Christianity is good for some people, but neither is right for me."

She nods, picks up her yellow marker, and starts working on the Bear's beaded necklace.

Friday, February 6, 2009

he did it all for you, so what about me? who is gonna do it for me?

this is my body and i am keeping it awake.
all it's been pretty rough, because to be honest, 50% of time i don't know what i am doing anymore, 50% i found a lot i wish to do, and i started, but the end result is nothing being accomplished.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Before I put myself to sleep tonight...

All I have left is the echo of your sweet voice in remedy.
As the music is off, there's something wrong.
Why can't is last?
If there is a chance, and if we ever did.
Stay if we can, and we can do it again.
When the radio starts to play
I pray
That there is one more for the lovers
I play
Again to the soul of my lover



I am going down the wrong way and yet there's nothing to keep me from myself
Sinking my teeth and just to have one more taste of you
Wish I can keep you for a while
Wish there's something you can say
So maybe you can make me feel okay
The sweet moment that I long for
And maybe a little bit more of you to keep me feel alright
It's got to be you
It's got to be you
It's got to be you
Please save me from myself
And so I can drink from you once more



It runs and runs and never stop
So I drive and drive and never stop
It's one degree under zero, my eyes turn red as the tires spin
Trace of your present has never been so clear
I wish i was asleep
Night stalk can't stop
Night stalk can't prevent
Night stalk is not what I need
In between the fine line I cannot keep
For once, for the taste of you
I drive and drive until I hit but not crash
And I stop and ask
God damn it, what have I done


Saturday, January 31, 2009

love monster

I eat love.

All I have left is ____.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

From Amir Khalfani

We all seek to be loved, and to some extent, give our love to another. But in our attempts to seek out another, we fight to overcome ourselves--our inhibitions. A fragile shell encompassing our love, composed of secrets, lies and scarred memories, must not only be opened by ourselves, but penetrated by those whom we wish to give us love. We fight a war against ourselves to convince our ourselves that we will not be endangered, corrupted, or consumed by those whom we wish to be a part of us. In love, we must sacrifice protection from what we hold most sacred to seek out fulfillment. We must sacrifice an integral part of who we are for the possibility of another.

Monday, January 19, 2009